Monday, July 4, 2011

DR. CONE'S T.O.D. #5

Happy Birthday Statue of Libertino! Dr. Cone here, writing you from inside of the outside of a late night internet cafe that I got kicked out of by hitting the computer keys with a long stick I found!

If you're a skinny twirpy-type-fella, and long to have big muscley-looking muscles like your favorite movie action star, Kurt Cobain, here's a tip you can't miss. While many fitness "experts" condone weight-lifting,  I personally have found weights to be heavy, and therefore difficult to lift very many times in a row without getting tired, which often leads to apple jacks. So instead of doing boring heavy stuff to attain the perfect body, here's a much simpler way. Simply get a ride to the gym from one of your sister's friends, stake out a spot for watching (I like to call them "watching spots"), lock on to someone whose body you admire, and when they are not looking, simply swap heads! In a matter of minutes, you'll have the body you've always dreamed of, and though your victim may want to switch back, they will be trapped on your old wimpy body and unable to do anything about it. Once you're in your new body, the world's your oyster. You may want to pull out some stuck drawers, eliminate some enemies from your list, or simply STD up your new body until it becomes a disease-ridden dump. Then you can always exchange it for a new one!